March 10, 2012
Well three days ago was the wedding anniversary of Jim Patton and Valerie Berdeski in 1981, would have been thirty one years. In five days I will recognize the anniversary of the day I left Jim Patton in 1993, has been 18 years.
This morning on Facebook someone posted a photograph of an elephant seated in a crouched position, with his face cut off. And a caption that said they were posting this to show us how an elephants life ends when poachers take his tusks.
I cried and cried for this elephant and all those elephants who have and will be mistreated like this in the future.
And I recognized the similarity of abuse between this animal and the human animal, me.
Jim Patton essentially has cut my face off and wished me to die. His abuse toward me has never stopped. He has controlled our children's lives, influenced their opinions and taken their mother from them, even today... this very moment... the boy's are afraid to reach out.
In 2006 I had some communication with my youngest son Dean, via MySpace. He wanted to see me and we set up a time and place. He sent his girlfriend instead. She told me he was afraid of what his father would do if he found out. I hugged her, because that was the closest I had gotten to my son since he was four years old.
I have no way to reach out. I send letters to Jim's address in Boulder City NV, but never get any response.
When I went to bed last night, I realized something I had not thought of before. I will also miss out of being a grandmother. Our grandchildren will not know me either. Jimmy is 31 and married to a beautiful model named Jennifer.
I walk through life... without a face. I hold my sorrow and frustrations in. People don't like to read about or hear about this. It makes us uncomfortable. Just like looking at a photograph of an elephant in Africa who's face has been hacked off for it's Ivory. It's just horrible.... abuse is horrible, no matter what, who or where it happens.
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