Over the years I have lost so many memories because 12 + years has gone by with out my precious children, no pictures, no communication, only my sadness and tears mixed with determination to be successfull through all this. I recently came across a hand full of old photos of my 4 sons that has brought joy into my heart and soul. There are no words, there are no words that could ever convey my loss. Now even deeper with the passing of my 2nd born child, Shane Eric Patton. I named him after his Uncle Steven Shane Patton, as a compliment to him and to his Grandma Marilyn Patton who named him. I think he fit that name and that name fit him. What a special boy he was, and now continues to be. He is with me all the time now. He is the only one to have come home. He is with me.
On June 28, 2005 I was asleep in bed dreaming a dream colored in Mauve, Peach and light.... I was peddeling a bike with several other mothers all going in the same direction. We all had baby seats behind us and some of them had children with them and some of them were empty. Mine was empty. It was as if we were floating or gliding down a main street with sidewalks and storefronts. The dream was quiet peaceful and tranquil. Out of now where the sound of a missle came and it was so loud. it passed to the right of me and took out the woman and child who were on my right. I turned quickly looking to see what happened. The mother was laying on her back in the street, her arms and legs streight up. Another woman kept trying to pick up her baby, but he kept sliding out of her arms to the street, limp. At that moment I sat streight up in my bed - waking from the dream. The sound of the missle or rocket was so loud and piercing. I looked at the clock and it was 3:33 am. I layed back down at 3:35 and fell back to sleep. That morning I told Robert and Rose about my strange dream, and I lay on the floor in my family room and showed them how the lady lay in the road behind me.Neither of them were impressed... after all it was just a dream. Then the day went on for us as it always does. I tried to forget about the dream but it was haunting...
The following Friday was a normal day with work, daycare for the baby and school for Rose. My husband Robert went to bed at about 7 pm because he works nights from 11 pm to 8 am. He was sleeping when the phone rang at a little after nine. It was Luana my best friend. Do you Remember her? We have been friends since 2nd grade. I Love Her, She is a special person. Well she said, "Valerie, I need to speak to Robert." I told her he was already asleep asking her what is up... smiling inside as I always do. She was serious and said I need to talk to him get him up. I told her NO, Lu... You know he has to go to work in a couple hours tell me and I can tell him later. Well she kept insisting I get him up so I took the phone into the room and handed it to him. He sat up saying one word, Hello. Then he listened... and the look on his face grew sad as he stared into my eyes taking in everything Luana was telling him. He just listened and stared into my eyes until he finally said ok, Goodbuy and hung up the phone. He couldn't speak. He could only look into my eyes, his eyes filled with fear and concerne.... "what?"... I said... "What did she say?"... He just looked at me and now his eyes were filling with tears.... " WHAT DID SHE SAY WHAT WHAT WHAT!" WHAT ROBERT... SOMEONE HAS DIED? A wash of dread and feeling I have never felt and cannot put into words. " WHAT, HAS SOMEONE DIED?!" He shook his head yes, but he couldn't speak. Now I am screaming and the baby in my arms and Rose at my side. WHO.. MY MOM... he shook his head no...MY DAD... no... ONE OF MY SONS!!!... he shook his head yes.... I SCREAMED JIMMY..... shaking his head no... SHANE.... nodding yes and trying to pull me into his chest as I began to scream out loud pushed him away and giving him the baby, throwing myself to the floor screaming over and over as loud as my body could scream. I screamed and cried, moaned and waled for what felt like hours. The phone kept ringing as word spread throught the family, Robert was talking to my Mom, Dad, Brothers and Sister calling and he was trying to keep the two kids calm. I felt I had lost my mind. Time passed and I could scream no more and I lay on the floor weeping... for my little boy, my baby... Shane. I don't know how I made it through that night.
