An Awareness Blossomed in my Mind

Giving essence to  the fact that I spent this past Friday and Saturday with, Ph D. Steven C. Hayes at the Acceptance & Commitment Therapy - ACT 1 Educational Seminar, Psychological Flexibility & Relationships in Conflict. Learned a lot and it was an excellent experience, and I want more of this in my life.

Adding that my UCSD homework this week includes studying Freud's  Psychosexual Stages and Erikson's Psychosocial Stages for a test on Thursday... and my reading from Carl Rogers book - "On Becoming a Person" this morning as well...

So then, I went into my morning Mantra meditation... an awareness blossomed in my mind...

It is time for me to stop crying for "MY loss" of  four wonderful boys. My children whom I love so so much. Stop Crying, Valerie!

"MY children" are paying the price, for the loss of their mother. The loss of her love and affection, caring for their every need as I did. They lost so much more, than I, because they were still growing and learning how to become a part of this world we live in. Children need loving parents. Even today as grown adults, now some twenty-two years later, their attitudes and expectations of the world are built around the childhood they were groomed from. This childhood was not what I had in mind when I gave birth to each one of them. My dreams were wonderful and loving and kind and caring and expressive... sobbing....

I can not change anything...

I am so sorry, especially to my baby's Chaser and Dean-o who needed me in their lives, I needed them and they needed me... Jimmy and Shane were Adolescents and needed me in different ways that a mother is important as well... Love Love Love Love...

I am practicing staying in the present moment through Mindful Self-Compassion... I love me too... It is difficult when the past opens a window on my mind and takes me back...

Dear God, Thank you for this experience today, although sad... may I grow and learn to help others make better choices when raising our wonderful children on earth...

Chase and Dean were only 6 years old and 4 years old when we were taken from each other, Jimmy was 13 and Shane 12. Shane, a Navy SEAL was KIA June 28, 2005 Operation RedWing, Afghanistan at age 22.

All my love to everyone and everything everywhere including those on the other side, I love you all... and myself as well...

Every moment of my existence... I Love You .....

Jimmy, Shane, Chase and Dean...

I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive me...