Dear James,
I decided to write you and tell you a story from my perspective. After you read it, simply think about it for a while and then you decide what you would like to do with the information. It is a story about our lives and what changed them forever bringing us to today.
It all began with Fear and miscommunication.
March 15th 1994 at 5:00 in the evening I left my husband, your dad. It was not an event I planned but I did contemplate quite often during the previous 12 months or so. We had been married for 13 years and 8 days. We dated for 2 years before we married. It was a long relationship and for the most part it was a good relationship too. I loved Jim Patton and being his wife and mother to you all, my 4 wonderful sons. But things were not going well between Jim and I. It is best to just leave it at that, because telling stories about another person when they are not present to defend themselves is not good practice. But the day came that I was compelled without a shadow of a doubt that this was the day I would leave Jim and that would be that. I filed for divorce very quickly. I think it was within the first month he was served with Divorce Papers.
I wanted you boys to stay with dad so that your lives would be stable while I found a job and home of my own to share. I also wanted to be fair to dad and not kick him out of the house and have the court award me ¾ of his income to raise our children making him look for an apartment. I tried to think about what was best for us all. I believed that we could be one family living under two roofs. I have always tried to make choices that would be in the best interests of our children, no matter what the cost was to myself. And looking back over the past, nearly 13 years, the cost to us all has been horrific. My 4 boys, 2 were still babies, growing up without my love and influence. Hugs and kisses, happiness, joy and loving support that only a mother can provide. It has been just heart breaking for us all.
During the first three months your dad and I were struggling trying to figure out how to move forward as friends and parents. Things were going very well for a while. We were splitting up the household and I had my little apartment at the beach. We had picnics at the beach as a family and then your dad would take you boys back home. We were even working on a strategy for the hope of one day getting back together. Things felt good for the first time in a very long time. That is until the end of June when Jim met Pam and hired a Divorce Attorney. Our worlds were embarking on a journey that we are still experiencing to this very day.
On June 28th 1994 Jim called me on the phone. We initially were discussing the next family visit. Then the conversation changed and Jim began telling me about all his unfaithfulness through out our relationship. I was initially not surprised at this because he had told me about the women he was with before our marriage and I knew about his 2-year affair with my sister that began on November 15, 1982. After leaving our newborn baby boy, Shane, and me at the hospital he drove home stopping at the 7-11 for a 6 pack of Michelob. Auntie Cindy was taking care of my first-born while I was having my second baby. I want to say that I forgave dad and my sister for what they did. After all, I had a choice to make… divorce him and ruin you and Shane’s lives or forgive and keep going. So to mark the forgiving we wanted to bring another brother into the family. Dad and I moved out of that house and into the house next door to Lynn and Johnny Gonzales who’s son Joey was your child hood friend. Dad and I tried to get pregnant for 3 months with no luck but in March 1996 I became pregnant with Chase. Chase was the only baby we planned to have. All the rest of you came unexpectedly, but we were happy every single time. You were all such beautiful little boys. I loved my little but growing family. We moved to Panama when Chase was about 8 months old where Dean was born.
Anyway… during that phone call Jim was giving me specifics about all the women he has had on going affairs with and telling me he was never faithful. His confession was so overwhelming and the details were so disgusting, that I literally lost my mind for a moment. I slammed down the telephone and ran to the medicine cabinet and grabbed all the pills opening every bottle and pouring them into my hand and swallowing them all. I was extremely upset, crying and shaking sitting on the edge of the bathtub holding myself weeping. Before long I began to calm down a little and then realized I just took a ton of pills. I called the poison control center and spoke to a very nice lady, told her what happened and what I swallowed to make sure I wouldn’t die. I thought I would just stick my finger down my throat and barf them all up in the toilet and go on with life. Well, I guess the lady called the fire department because when I hung up with her it was only a few minutes before I heard the sound of sirens. Sure enough the ambulance came to my front door and they had me on a stretcher taking my blood pressure and vital signs whisking me off to the hospital in no time. I stayed at Balboa Naval Hospital for about 3 days recovering. Do you remember any of this?
It was the same evening of June 28th, after his telephone confession to me that Jim Patton went to a Seal hang out called Mc Pee’s in Coronado where he met Pam. If memory serves me correctly she moved into the house with you all on July 6th, about 2 weeks after they met. Dad took you kids to Vegas for the July 4th weekend and when you got back she moved in. Once Pam came into the picture, Jim changed into a different person. He became angry and mean. With Pam’s influence dad began telling me when I could and could not see our children or call on the phone. It was absolute torture for me not to be able to talk to you kids on the phone or see you when I wanted to. Then Pam began calling me on the phone saying horrible things to me. Sometimes in the morning just after you kids had left for school but most often my phone would ring in the middle of the night and wake me from my sleep. Her favorite thing to yell at me in her satanic voice was “ I’ve taught your kids to love me and to hate you, You’ll never be a part of their lives again” She must have called me 30 times or more just to say that to me. At first it really upset me but after a couple years I would hear her voice and softly hang up the phone so she couldn’t hear me. I believe she has a split personality.
The other thing that happened during the time I was in the hospital recovering from the overdose was that Jim’s Divorce Attorney advised him not to speak to me anymore. So the first week of July of 1994, well that was the last time your father ever spoke to me and he has never even made eye contact with me. That is until I saw him at the funeral parlor that Saturday before Shane’s funeral, which was the first week of July 2005. I walked right up to him and said “Hi Jim, How are you?” he glared into my eyes and said, ”I am fine”. I was so scared I smiled meekly and walked away slipping into the ladies room. I remember standing there looking into the mirror and thinking to myself “Thank God I’m not his wife”. He was very angry, as if not a single moment had passed since the last time we spoke.
So as time went on things got worse and worse. Jim being misled by his divorce attorney who’s only interest was in collecting Jim’s money and not in our family’s best interests. And also by Pam, who had her motives for keeping me out of the way. She could see that Jim and I had a very strong relationship and she had to act quickly to destroy it. Her vindictive actions were only in her own best interests. She is like a black widow spider in my opinion. Our family would never have spent the past 12years in this “hell” had it not been for the influence of those two people in our lives.
Fear and Miscommunication go hand and hand and unfortunately people suffer like we all have. I felt happy when I found out that your dad had divorced Pam. I always knew she was not a good person by her actions. I hope that Jim and I can one day be friends again. We can always be friends… we have so much in common and that is our children whom we both love dearly.
I don’t know how to open up the channels of communication with you, Chase and Dean and also with your dad. We have a long life ahead of us. We need to fix this and be a family again. Of course we will have our problems, all family’s do… but please consider life, as it was when you were a kid and I was the Mom… I am still your mom you know… still your mom and your stuck with me. : )
I have worked hard to make a home that my sons could come home to. I have Rose and baby Robert here too, along with my husband Robert. I don’t expect you to jump in the car and drive over here and give me a smile and a hug… not today… but soon, eh.
Just think about it, That is all I ask.
I Love You James, Shane, Chase and Dean too…
It is important to me, and the whole Berdeski Family, that you boys know that you were not abandoned. Think about it for a moment. When in the history of the world have 4 little boys been abandoned by an entire side of their family. My children were taken from me and brainwashed over the years. I have written letters to you boys and Pam always intercepted them. She would call me on the phone in the middle of the night and read parts of the letter to me and say horrible things about teaching all of you to hate me. Even as recent as Shane’s BUDS training. Rosie and I were on our way to the Zoo one morning driving through Coronado. We passed the training center and felt compelled to pull over by the pool and call the quarterdeck. Shane was 18 now and had a mind of his own, so I thought. Anyway, a guy answered the phone and I said I was Shane’s mom and asked if he was there. A couple minutes passed and then Shane said hello. Wow… this was an adrenalin filled moment for me and I said, “Hi Shane, this is Mom”. There was silence and then the phone hung up. My thoughts raced and I was hoping he dropped the phone in surprise so I called back. But the guy on the QD told me Shane didn’t want to talk to me, and he hung up too. My heart sunk and I cried and called Grandpa on my cell phone. We were both so sad. But within a few minutes Rose and I continued on to spend the day at the Zoo. So about a week later I get the usual midnight phone call from Pam. She said, “ You leave my son alone. I’ve taught him to hate you. You’re not his mother. He is my son now. His buds training is very important to him and you better not get in the way.” She kept rambling on but I put the phone down softly on the receiver and said a prayer. To be honest, I don’t think your dad knows to what length Pam has gone to, to destroy our family.
After the funeral Pam got my phone number somehow and called me. Suddenly she wanted to be my friend. She told me she had stolen all of our family photos from a cold storage that she and Jeff ( as she call’s him ) shared during their marriage. She wants to get together over lunch and give them to me. I am afraid of her so I never committed to a visit. Now she has moved, to Texas I think, and she took all our photos with her. She called me numerous times over the past several months telling me all kinds of stories about you children and your dad. She tells me that she has been poisoned, and that Jeff was trying to kill her and all kinds of terrible things. I am so relieved that she is out of your lives.
... There is so much, it is exhausting sometimes... I will add more another time.
Love Mom
James Jeffrey Patton II
Shane Eric Patton
Chase Aaron Patton
Dean Kenneth Patton
