HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN-O

Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday Dear Dean-o
Happy Birthday to you...

I Love you

: ) Mom...

~ Today I Visualize....

Today I Visualize

I was sitting with my cup of coffee and reading from "The Law of Attraction" by Esther and Jerry Hicks on pg 112.

The topic is - If I can Imagine It, It's Realistic -

Jerry: Is there anything that we might want that you would consider to be unrealistic?

Abraham: If you are able to imagine it, it is not "unrealistic." If, from this time-space reality, you have been able to create the desire, this time-space reality has the resources to fulfill it. All that is required is your vibrational alignment with your desire.

This was a great inspiration for me to read because I realized in the moment I finished that section that when I take the time to envision Jim Patton and I spending the rest of our lives as the Friends we originally were - and meditate on those feelings from the past feeling them grow and blossom then we will all have the opportunity to be reunited.

I remember a conversation one afternoon - way back in the early 80's, I was having with your Grandma Patton, your dad's mom... She was planning a vacation with Judy Kearney - who was at that time - Grandpa Patton's girlfriend. I asked her... How can you go on vacation with her? She is dating your X-Husband. Her response has stayed with me all these years... She said to me... Well, Valerie, Judy and I have a lot in common, we both love or loved the same man. She does currently and I did in the past. So we have a lot to share by spending that time together.

You know... the two of those women are both still friends to this very day... although neither one is with Grandpa Patton today. This is an important lesson about human relationships and family relationships that needs to be pointed out. We can all be together today no matter what happened, yesterday.

That last time that we were all together, boys, hugging and saying goodbye. Looking into each others eyes... Smiling and giving kisses on foreheads and cheeks and lips... I will spend my time and visualize on those smiles and loving feelings. Those innocent loving feelings in that moment. We had no idea what our future would turn into - A Fear based future.

We have to let go of the fear of each other. I am "Mom" you are all my "Children". We are Love. I Love You all... James, Shane, Chase & Deano. You are the flesh of my flesh... the heart of my heart... for all eternity I will Love you children. Almost 14 years has passed and you are all adults... but in my heart and soul you are my children and always will be.

The time has come for me, at least, to refocus my vision on the future while letting go of the past - and see myself and Jim Patton again as the friends we were in the 80's. When we had a common goal of building happy a family of "all boys" together.

I Believe that by holding fast to this vibrational thought pattern, the Universe to reinvent our futures bringing our paths together once and for all. There is no need to wonder how or when... because Of this I am certain-

I know, like I know, like I know, like I know.... that you will all be home soon... with your Mother... who Loves You.

: ) Mom -

Robert your step dad

Rosie now almost 11

and... Little Robert almost 4

...If Only...

Boys... I was mopping the floors this morning - which is not a favorite past time... but it is a time when things can slide past your mind rather un-noticed. Back and forth, back and forth the mop went in motion and I heard my mind say - "It would be so much easier on the children if everything Jim told them about me all these years were true." That is what I heard... in my minds chatter... and it got me to thinking -

I suppose it is possible that the reason - "James, Chase & Dean" that you boys have not come home is because seeing that I am a NORMAL person - Loving, Caring, "Moping the kitchen floor on Sunday's" kind of Mom... would cause quite a stir inside. It may be too painful for you boys to realize that I Love You and always have - All these years.

Well, today is your Step-Dad's Birthday - He is watching the Charger's and I am about to fix him his favorite dinner - BBQ Rib Eye's and a HUGE Costco Birthday Cake with a Football on top : )


I will eat a bite for each of you...
I Love you boys...

Navy Seals Skydiving Shane Patton

This is awesome!
I Love you Shane -
I Love you Jimmy -
I Love you Chaser -
I Love you Dean-o

: ) Mom...

Hawaiian Memorial Photo's by Bill Sullivan

Hi Boys,
I have had these photo's for some time and only thought to post them this morning. I will tell you the story of how I received these.

Bill Sullivan took the photos and when you look into the memorial plaques you can see his silhouette and camera. He tells us that one morning during his daily hike he came across a little path he had not noticed before. He took it climbing up the side of the mountain until he reached the top where a memorial stands. It over looks the beautiful Pacific Ocean and Hawaiian city below. He didn't have a camera with him at the time and he didn't know who the men were who were being honored by the memorial. Taking to memory what he read from the plaques he went home and researched the Internet. In his research he found Grandma Berdeski's email address and started with her. He sent her an email about this place and made the initial contact. He and grandma corresponded...


(this photo I found on Shane's My Space I think it fits in with these since he is floating among the heavens in this photo...)



Notice Bill's Silhouette in the stones?

Bill tells us that he takes as much water as he can carry each time he goes hiking so he can water the small trees in honor of the men and in honor of Shane and our loss.

He sent us these Photo's on July 4th 2007

Today is Sept 1, 2007

I probably should have posted them sooner...

Have a lovely Holiday Weekend... what ever you end up doing this Labor day Weekend.

I Love you...

: ) Mom

By the way...

Oh - I thought I might mention...

President Bush never has responded to the letter I sent him.

If he ever does I will keep you posted...

: ) Valerie

Photo's of the past

Picture on the right is of Jimmy age 5 1/2 and Shane 4. We lived on 8th Street in IB behind the Big Bear Grocery store... It has a new name these days... Jimmy was in kindergarden : ) and I was prego with Chaser... Dad was out to Sea.







Picture on the left is about 4 years later... Jimmy was about 9 and Shane 8. We were at "My Little Cafe' " at the beach on Chritmas Eve to celebrate Grandma Berdeski's Birthday. We won't say which one... : )

A note from a Dear Friend

-----Original Message-----
From: Debra Gibson [mailto:debgib22@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 09, 2007 3:46 PM
To: Valerie Robinson
Subject: Missing you

Hi Val,

I've been thinking about you, so I went to your website. I spent the last hour reading some of it. A lot I had read before. BTW, happy belated birthday.

You are so caring, thoughtful and loving. You are the greatest mom! I pray that some day your boys will come back to you, before it's too late. The need to know you. It would change their lives and enhance it in ways they would not believe.

Thanks for including the picture of Gary and his family. Tell the kids and Robert, "Hi", from me.

Angie got married almost 3 years ago and his name is also Robert. He has 3 boys and she has her two.

Loving us,
Debbie

Uncle Gary and Family

HI Boys,

Last month we all met at Grandpa's Estate in Bonita, for little Julia Mae's 3rd Birthday. She is my 1/2 brother Michael and his wife Julie's little girl - She is not in this photo... but we were all gathered for her birthday party.

In this photo is my brother Gary on the far right and Tina his wife next she is holding the hand of her 3 year old Tena Fay and behind her is Waite who is 10. Behind Waite is big brother David who is about 19 and then his sister Brittany - 16 and on the little motor bike is Gary, 15. They all live in Chula Vista CA and are all your cousins. The oldest boy, cousin David Berdeski is a Great left handed pitcher and is likely to turn Pro after College. He will be playing College Ball soon.

The whole family is talented in one way or another - Brittany loves Piano along with Waite and Gary loves Math and is very smart. Tena Fay.. well she is still just a baby so we will have to watch and see.

I Love you... See you soon boys... : ) Mom

Shane

Last night I was surfing on Google Images - I typed in Marcus Luttrell and found a photo there with 4 Seals in it. I recognized Marcus Luttrell from his photo's in his book Lone Survivor. But the man on the left of the photo - caught my attention the most. I looked and looked trying to search my brain to recognize if this was my little boy - all grown up? I decided to save the photo to my computer and then I saw the way the original owner saved it. SPMAJSML.jpg That is when I stopped and took a breath - realizing SP is Shane Patton - This is indeed a photo of my son. Who ever you are out there that has this photo... you must have more of them you could share with me. I would be grateful if you would please contact me.

Sincerely,
: ) Valerie

~Happy Birthday James~

I know today is your Birthday, but could you give me the gift of a phone call from you. You are your own man now, at 26, so make a decision of your own - to come visit your Mother. I would love to see you and Jennifer here in Poway or we can meet somewhere. I love you dearly, son.

Love always... Mom

A New Photo

No body Loves children like their Mother does.
In this photo we were at Uncle Steve's house on a short vacation from Panama. I think it was July 1989 because I was 5 months pregnant with Dean-o. We spent a week or two with Uncle Steve that summer - He was so wonderful to let us hang with him and he loved us all so much anyway... he wouldn't have had is any other way.

Look at Chaser's little baby foot... I used to kiss the bottom of his feet and he would giggle and wiggle... in fact you all did. I was and I still am such a great Mom. I love you children so much...

Let's see... Jimmy you must have been 8 and Shane you were 7 in this photo. We lived in Navy housing and if I remember correctly we lived at the Navy Housing complex named Rodman or Amador - Now I cannot recall which. It was beautiful in Panama. You boys had so much fun there especially chasing down the baby iguana's. One day you and about 6 other boys from the neighborhood chased a baby one - almost lime green colored - into our carport. Shane came running into the house to tell me you had him cornered out there. Everyone was huffing and puffing from running all over. I came out of the kitchen with Chaser on my hip and I looked down in the crack behind your dad's stacked up military boxes. I reached down and grabbed him right behind the head pulling him out and raising him above my head for all the boys to see. You all let out a huge cheer!! After you all got a close look at him we walked that baby iguana out to the big tree behind our house and set him there on the side of it. Away he went scurrying up the trunk to the top and all the kids were still in awe.

I have that memories and I cherish it... I hope that when you boys come back home all the rest of my memories will come back to me - a little at a time...

I Love you all... : ) Mom

The Simpsons Movie

Hey~
Today we went to dinner with Grandpa and the family. We were a party of 18 for dinner at HomeTown Buffet then off the the AMC Cinema 24 to see The Simpsons Movie. Grandpa chose the movie... : )We all had a good time! Wish you were here...
I Love you
: ) Mom.

Avon Lady's

This is Me on the right and my Avon Partner Angela on the left. We were at a Job Fair in San Diego promoting our business. It was fun!!

Dear Mr. President

Valerie A. Robinson
13514 Olive Tree Ln
Poway, CA 92064
858-842-1500 Home
619-948-0522 Cell

Sunday, April 08, 2007

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Dear President Bush,

My son Shane Eric Patton was killed in Afghanistan on June 28 2005. He was a US Navy Seal, like his father. He was a little boy the last time I saw him in 1994, and he loved me, his mother.

In 1994 I filed for divorce from James Jeffrey Patton. He defied the court orders for me to visit with our children. He retired from the Navy and moved our 4 children to Boulder City Nevada. In his hatred for me he disparaged my name and family members to our children, so much so that they also hate me with the same fervor as he does. He did not allow us to be part of the children’s lives in all these years causing much heartbreak and sadness for the entire family, especially for our children.

When our son, Shane, was killed I found out via a phone call from a childhood friend who lived in Las Vegas, who saw it on the nightly news. I phoned the Seal Team quarterdeck in Coronado California asking for information and whom I should contact for more confirmation. I was directed to call Casualty Assistance Officer Gerald E. Pedron.

I want to tell you the reason for my letter today, Easter Sunday 2007. Death is a part of life and I am learning to deal with my son’s death. It makes it even harder to deal with because I will never see him again. His father took him from me 13 years ago and I have loved and lived with the belief that one-day our children will grow up and look for me. It hasn’t happened yet. The sad thing is that Shane will never be able to see me and so my world is left undone…

Not only is it heart wrenching to live with this sadness I also endured immense disrespect during my son, Shane’s funeral and all memorials held before and after. Not once during the services did the Commander Honor my loss or acknowledge my presence at the services. In fact, I was seated with my family members in the third row, behind the Governor of Nevada and the other “important’ folks in attendance that day.

As the casket made it’s way to the burial plot, I was not allowed to approach the site. My family and I were stopped in out tracks as we attempted to say our good buys to our son, our American Hero. I was allowed to stand in the front of the 300+ attendees at the funeral and watched from a football field’s length, watching my son, my baby, being lowered into the earth below him. I stood with grace and patience from afar filled with pain and sadness.

How can my government allow this disgrace to have happened? I have received no honor from my government for the loss of my child. There were memorials in Coronado and in Hawaii – which I was not invited to attend to be honored for my loss.

The military Page 2 – is it still called that? I am referring to the page where a military member lists his next of kin. How can it be allowable that a mother be completely disregarded? How can the military give only 1 parent the rights to Honor when their child has been Killed In Action?

When Shane died, I lost all my memories of him. I have 6 children in all, and I remember every one of their births, except Shane’s. I have only one vivid memory that I will be happy to share with you.

In mid February of 1982 I went to Bethesda Naval Medical Center for my first prenatal appointment regarding my 2nd pregnancy. I recognized the pregnancy symptoms and knew that I was about 6 weeks pregnant. After the exam the Dr. advised me that the pregnancy test was negative and that I needed to schedule a DNC. I knew he was wrong but I thanked him and went back home to my apartment in Gaithersburg on 3 N Summit Drive. I had my 1st born baby boy Jimmy on my chest as I lay on the living room carpet rubbing his back and patting him as he fell asleep. In this quiet moment I spoke to the little soul growing in my tummy. I remember telling him… don’t worry little one, I know you are in there and I won’t let anyone hurt you. You must have something really important to do in this lifetime and you will be here soon. I love you little one…

Shane was indeed born November 15th 1982 at Balboa Naval Hospital, San Diego.

Mr. President, I don’t know what I am asking you for… I only know that my heart aches like no one knows at the loss of my 4 sons to Jim Patton, my first husband just over 13 years ago. To be so completely removed from my children lives and then have one of them die for the love of his country before seeing each other is just heart wrenching for me. To live daily with the disrespect and grief is what I do gracefully. I guess I want someone, no… I want you to know that Shane’s Mother is waiting for resolve. I would like the military to send me photos of my son and any certificates that can be found in his record regarding his achievements and honors. Please help right this wrong and help other mothers who are going through what I am.

Sincerely,


Valerie

Hi Kids Today is Rosie's Birthday and Tomorrow is Shane's

Hi Kids,

I have not posted anything new in a while but today I feel you kids so close in my soul. We are all connected and always will be. I have the CD Bayside playing in the background and have to admit it makes me feel close to you. I have fallen in love with that CD. One thing that is particularly note worthy for me is that even though these kids singing are 20 years younger than me... the words touch me just as they touch their younger fans, like you's. It makes me think about things I have lived through - good and bad - happy and sad - this is Life. We all live it and go through these things. Some are really scary and some are pure bliss, like having each one of my children. Each one of you brought pure love into my existance... into my world. That has a lot to do with my choice to have 6 children. I love you all... I LOVE YOU ALL. Those words don't mean a thing to you boy's though but I know that one day they will again. That is what keeps me going is keeping that in my heart.
I would never want to say, and I don't have any thing planned to say to you kids about your dad that would hurt you. There is nothing that I could say anyway... there are no stories that I have saved or kept brewing in my mind for the sake of hurting him. There is only the sadness that I feel and have felt all these years because the choices he has made to disparriage me and my family members to our children. You are mine as much as you are his. We are your parents - Mom and Dad - and nothing can change that. Mom and Dad, Mom and Dad.
The song "Blame it on bad Luck" is playing... those words they are singing reach me to the center of my being just as they likely reach you. They are true for my lifes experience as for your's, Chase. People always tell me that I Look So Strong and the words Steller Personality have been used about me by others who know me, like my Doctors : ) who I have been seeing a lot of lately.
I feel so much love and emotion for you children - mabey that is because today is Rosie's and tomorrow is Shane's birthday and then Chase is 7 days after that... Dean-o your's is coming up in a month... and I celebrated Jimmy's with Ben's in August. I just wish the love would touch you children one day and you would recognize that in your hearts and souls and remember the love we shared that last time we were together. With all my heart - I Love You... ( as warm tears fill my eyes and heart )

Please call me soon....

Happy Birthday Shaner my sweet one... Love Mom

Come home boys....COME HOME!!!

Also, we are having Rosie's Birthday Party on Saturday the 18th from 4 to 7 pm. We bought her the same Trampoline you kids had, but this one is all black and it looks really cool, dad set it up a couple days ago. Even baby Robert loves it. ( He will be three on Feb 25th )I wish you boys would show up here at the house and have some fun with us. I-15 South about 5 hrs to Poway Rd go east about 10 miles and turn left on Olive Tree Lane, look for the red 68 VW and you will be home. ( the engine is out rite now gettin overhauled ) I Love you!!

Jim, Jeff, JJ Who Ever you are Today....

Jim Patton~

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!

Do you want to hear me say "You Win"!
You've successfully done me in...
You lied, cheated, and stole everything of value to me...
Our Children, OUR Children...
Now We have One who see's you for who you are-
Looking down upon you he cries...
For his Mother...
For his Brother's...
The day will come...
They will come home...
I will wait an eternity...
One Day My Son's Will Come Back Home...
They are my babies...
12 years I have cried for my babies...

I know why you Hate me -
Truth sits just behind my lips...
All these years you wonder-
How long will she keep quiet you ask yourself...
For I am the keeper of your greatest Fear...
Children coming home and finding out...
What you have done and who you truly are...

Your Poison fills their veins today...
To your pleasure they hate me...
As you taught them to...
As you taught them to...
You are a Righteous Man..
Unto yourself.

Wright this wrong
Tell them yourself
...You were wrong
...You are sorry
It's been done before
won't be a first
...You were wrong
...You are sorry

Your Mother Loves you...
Your Mother Loves you...
...I am sorry... so very sorry...
-Tell them Jim...
-Tell Them.
...For their sake
...Let them Love Their Mother...

...Valerie...

More Photo's of Dean

This is Me and You when you were about 24 hrs old. Below you see my Beautiful Chase. What a sweet heart he has... I Love You Chase... My heart breaks when I think about all of you in these photos. You can see Shane in the chair holding Dean... You had greyish or silverish hair when you were born, where all my other babies were all born with black hair. You were very special delivery and you still are...

Here you are in the Neonatal Intensive Care unit. They kept you here for 24 hrs until you were alert enough and they felt safe that you were ok.

I hope you enjoy seeing these photos of this wonderful day. These are the only one's I have.

Chase~ I will post the story of your birth next...

All my Love... Mom

Dean, This is the story of your Birth.

This first photo is Dean-O. He was 2 days old and you can see the bracelet on his ankle. We were still in Gorgas Army Hospital in Panama. He was born 4 weeks before the Norriaga war in Panama. The night I went into labor - I had woke up to go pee : ) when I sat on the toiled I heard a "POP"... I didn't know what that was because I had never had that happen. Well I went back to bed dismissing the "POP" sound but when I sat on the side of the bed... Amniotic Fluid or Water came rushing out. "It was time" the baby would be born today... We had to call our friends to come to the house to watch you 3 boys and... we had to call Security for an escort to the hospital because of the unsettledness among the people in Panama at the time. Once Dad and I got to the hospital my labor slowed down and there were several other women who were ready to deliver... they had us go out of the labor room and into a private room and wait for the baby to come... Well, I had the urge to pee again... : ) so Dad helped me off the gerney and I walked to the bathroom. Well - when I got done... I was sort of stuck and had to call dad to help me walk... The baby started coming out. I virtually had no labor pains. This baby's labor was almost painless. Dad ran out to call for the nurse and they came in with an attitude like we were making things up and getting restless.... Well the nurse gave me an exam and the look on her face was shock and surprise... "Don't move" she say's "I will run and get the Dr." They rushed me into the delivery room... I pushed, and pushed and after about 5 of those... my Dean-O was born. You came out crying and Dad should have the video that he made of your actual birth. After about 1 minute you became a limp baby that was turning blue. The Dr. gave you to the nurse and they ran you to the Neonatel emergency room. They had to hook you up to all kinds of tubes and bring you to life. I have 1 photo of you with all those things hooked up to you... I will scan it in and post it here later today or tomorrow... I was so scared you were not going to make it. When the Dr handed my limp, blue baby to the nurse and told her to rush you over there... I told dad to follow her. Stay with the baby!!

Dean-O, Can you imagine how much I Love you? You are my baby... you live in my soul. You are a precious part of my life. All my love... Mom

THE NARCISSIST AND RELATIONSHIPS

http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/women.html

The Male Narcissist and Women

~Click the Link above~
It is enlightning
This essay describes what I believe I have endured the past 26 years
From my former husband.
You may even notice things that relate to your relationships with him.

Here is a paragraph that describes in detail what our relationship was like with him. When I finally left him, I was running for my life...

A narcissist is skilled at the art of verbal abuse and the narcissist is proficient at verbally abusing women. Narcissists like to frustrate women. Their behavior toward a woman keeps her on the edge of insanity because she doesn't know what is coming next. The narcissist uses what he deems the blunt or brutal truth to eat away at any attributes that a woman might have. The woman is left with no self-esteem when the narcissist is through with her. This is the way he wants her. If her self esteem is not in tact he can gain control over her and retain her as narcissistic supply.

This article is very interesting and I hope you read it.

My Love to you all,

Love Mom...

Photo taken in my kitchen just 3 hrs ago

By: Baby Robert

Age 2-1/2

: )

Don't hate me ~ Because your Father taught you to...

Don't hate me ~ Because your Father taught you to...

Just remember who you are deep down inside yourself
You are the Holy Son of God Himself.
You are not alone in this world
You have God who listens to your whispers,
Your every silent prayer~
You have me, I am yours, We are one
Things can change and they will
I am always here for you
I will always Love you...

You are my children...

No one Loves a child Like their Mother does
I Love you.... Mom