Giving essence to the fact that I spent this past Friday and Saturday with, Ph D. Steven C. Hayes at the Acceptance & Commitment Therapy - ACT 1 Educational Seminar, Psychological Flexibility & Relationships in Conflict. Learned a lot and it was an excellent experience, and I want more of this in my life.
Adding that my UCSD homework this week includes studying Freud's Psychosexual Stages and Erikson's Psychosocial Stages for a test on Thursday... and my reading from Carl Rogers book - "On Becoming a Person" this morning as well...
So then, I went into my morning Mantra meditation... an awareness blossomed in my mind...
It is time for me to stop crying for "MY loss" of four wonderful boys. My children whom I love so so much. Stop Crying, Valerie!
"MY children" are paying the price, for the loss of their mother. The loss of her love and affection, caring for their every need as I did. They lost so much more, than I, because they were still growing and learning how to become a part of this world we live in. Children need loving parents. Even today as grown adults, now some twenty-two years later, their attitudes and expectations of the world are built around the childhood they were groomed from. This childhood was not what I had in mind when I gave birth to each one of them. My dreams were wonderful and loving and kind and caring and expressive... sobbing....
I can not change anything...
I am so sorry, especially to my baby's Chaser and Dean-o who needed me in their lives, I needed them and they needed me... Jimmy and Shane were Adolescents and needed me in different ways that a mother is important as well... Love Love Love Love...
I am practicing staying in the present moment through Mindful Self-Compassion... I love me too... It is difficult when the past opens a window on my mind and takes me back...
Dear God, Thank you for this experience today, although sad... may I grow and learn to help others make better choices when raising our wonderful children on earth...
Chase and Dean were only 6 years old and 4 years old when we were taken from each other, Jimmy was 13 and Shane 12. Shane, a Navy SEAL was KIA June 28, 2005 Operation RedWing, Afghanistan at age 22.
All my love to everyone and everything everywhere including those on the other side, I love you all... and myself as well...
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
I Love Bruno Mars !!
This morning I dropped Rosie off at Poway High... and driving down the hill back to the house, Bruno Mars song came on Pandora ::
"When I Was Your Man" freakin' blew-my-mind and created such a Moment of Healing I have never felt... and I wasn't aware it was needed...
I was overcome with a deep feeling of Awwesomness.... I have heard this song before, but this morning it-hit-me as The Apology from my from the father of my four children... whom I deeply loved... yet I had to leave... to save my own life.
OMGosh, I feel wonderful and I do accept this new perspective in looking back at the fifteen years we spent as a couple.
No one is perfect, me or dad... and... this song really feels good and helped me release "stuff" I've held on to...
Thank you Bruno Mars... for this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJT0Suanqhg
..... I am dancing with another man... and, he buy's me flowers, and holds my hand... gives me all the time he has... I love you, Robert... you are my soul mate and you are un~replaceable... You, Are, the Love of My Life...
Jimmy, Shane, Chase and Deano... no one... Loves you like I do...
Love,
Mom
This morning I dropped Rosie off at Poway High... and driving down the hill back to the house, Bruno Mars song came on Pandora ::
"When I Was Your Man" freakin' blew-my-mind and created such a Moment of Healing I have never felt... and I wasn't aware it was needed...
I was overcome with a deep feeling of Awwesomness.... I have heard this song before, but this morning it-hit-me as The Apology from my from the father of my four children... whom I deeply loved... yet I had to leave... to save my own life.
OMGosh, I feel wonderful and I do accept this new perspective in looking back at the fifteen years we spent as a couple.
No one is perfect, me or dad... and... this song really feels good and helped me release "stuff" I've held on to...
Thank you Bruno Mars... for this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJT0Suanqhg
..... I am dancing with another man... and, he buy's me flowers, and holds my hand... gives me all the time he has... I love you, Robert... you are my soul mate and you are un~replaceable... You, Are, the Love of My Life...
Jimmy, Shane, Chase and Deano... no one... Loves you like I do...
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Dean-o
Dean-o.... Dean.... call me... please.............. 619 948 0522
Dean Kenneth Patton
I love you.... You are my little four year old.... you are still four... but I am 53..... time is passing.......
Dean Kenneth Patton
I love you.... You are my little four year old.... you are still four... but I am 53..... time is passing.......
Wednesday, February 06, 2013
What if...
What if...
your wallet was stolen
What if...
your car was stolen
What if...
your mother was stolen
 |
| I've Missed you terribly... Love, Mom |
Friday, January 25, 2013
Eternal Love
This mother's Love is Eternal...
no matter what...
no matter where you are...
our souls will always be united...
with Love...
your mother
***Everyone of you... take your time having babies... I'm almost 53 and I may be too young to be a gramma... two years ago I was a camp counselor at YMCA "Y-CAMP" and one of the 6yr old girls in my group held my hand and said... "When you grow up, you're going to be the Best Grama Ever !" and she was beaming a big happy smiling face and made my future beautifulllllll........
no matter what...
no matter where you are...
our souls will always be united...
with Love...
your mother
Dean-o I can't find you on the internet... I love you
Chase-r you look happy and your girlfriend is lovely...
Shane-r is always with me, I made a poster of his "Hang Loose" photo and love it... he says "I love you mom... Hang Loose : ) "
Jimmy when you entered middle school, I changed your name to James. I still call you James... are you eating enough? I love you and your darling wife is lovely...
***Everyone of you... take your time having babies... I'm almost 53 and I may be too young to be a gramma... two years ago I was a camp counselor at YMCA "Y-CAMP" and one of the 6yr old girls in my group held my hand and said... "When you grow up, you're going to be the Best Grama Ever !" and she was beaming a big happy smiling face and made my future beautifulllllll........
I love you all, I'm always yours... Mom
Monday, November 19, 2012
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Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Chase ~ CALL YOUR MOTHER
Chase,
USAA Survivor Relations representative, Alona Taylor at 800/292-8294, left me a voice mail at about 10:30 this morning, saying they are trying to confirm the passing of my son Chase Patton, recently.
I told them I don't know, due to...
Chase... please call me... I am sick with grief...
Mom
619-948-0522
USAA Survivor Relations representative, Alona Taylor at 800/292-8294, left me a voice mail at about 10:30 this morning, saying they are trying to confirm the passing of my son Chase Patton, recently.
I told them I don't know, due to...
Chase... please call me... I am sick with grief...
Mom
619-948-0522
Friday, August 03, 2012
"O ou ide, Momma, O ou ide?"
"O ou ide, Momma, O ou ide?"
"O ou ide, Momma, O ou ide?"
That is how my little Chaser would ask to go out side... I love him so...
"O ou ide, Momma, O ou ide?"
That is how my little Chaser would ask to go out side... I love him so...
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Osama Bin Laden KILLED
CIA kept Reid in loop on bin Laden hunt
by Valerie Berdeski on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 11:19am ·
BY PETER URBAN
STEPHENS WASHINGTON BUREAU
Posted: May 2, 2011 | 10:09 a.m.
WASHINGTON -- Sen. Harry Reid received a telephone call at home shortly after 9:30 p.m. Sunday from President Barack Obama, who was "very somber" with news that Osama bin Laden had been killed by U.S. forces.
The news did not come as a complete surprise to Reid, the Senate majority leader from Nevada. He had known the basics of U.S. intelligence on the bin Laden hunt through classified briefings from CIA Director Leon Panetta.
"I've been following this with Director Panetta for some time now," Reid said Monday morning as Capitol Hill buzzed with reaction over the culmination of a decade-long tracking of the al-Qaida leader and mastermind of the Sept. 1, 2001, attacks on the United States.
"The president called me and outlined what had taken place," Reid said. "The president was very somber in relating to me what took place."
"This awful man, this man who epitomized evil, has been brought to justice by American forces. His death is our most significant victory in our fight against al Qaeda."
As Reid spoke with reporters outside his office about the bin Laden hunt conducted by U.S. Navy Seals, he said he couldn't help but think of Petty Officer 2nd Class Shane Patton, a Navy Seal and graduate of Boulder City High School who was killed June 28, 2005, in Afghanistan.
Patton, 22, was part of a team that was trying to rescue a fellow Seal in a firefight when their helicopter was shot down near Asadabad in Kumar Province. Eight Seals were killed.
"I can't get the young Patton boy out of my mind," said Reid, who attended the officer's funeral.
Reid, who appeared alongside Sen. Carl Levin, D-Mich., chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee, said he hopes that al-Qaida will not survive the loss of bin Laden.
"I certainly hope that," he said.
But he followed up by saying everyone should be "very cautious with their optimism."
Contact Stephens Washington Bureau reporter Peter Urban at purban@stephensmedia.com or 202-783-1760.
Shane
Obama Speach
This part of Obama's speach really stood out to me..
by Valerie Berdeski on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 4:41pm ·
This part of Obama's speach really stood out to me...
... Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims. Indeed, al Qaeda has slaughtered scores of Muslims in many countries, including our own. So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity....
and later went on to say~
...The American people did not choose this fight. It came to our shores, and started with the senseless slaughter of our citizens. After nearly 10 years of service, struggle, and sacrifice, we know well the costs of war. These efforts weigh on me every time I, as commander in chief, have to sign a letter to a family that has lost a loved one, or look into the eyes of a service member who's been gravely wounded....
Here is the link to his transcript:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/asiapcf/05/02/bin.laden.announcement/
Shane far right <3 div="div">
Navy Destroyer named after a Seal Hero
Navy Destroyer named after hero SEAL
by Valerie Berdeski on Sunday, May 8, 2011 at 6:34pm ·
This current news story is about Lieutenant, Michael Murphy. You all know my son Shane Patton... well, Shane and fifteen others on board the Chinook Helo were killed when it was blown up in the sky while attempting to save Michael Murphy and the others on the ground - June 28 2005.
Navy SEAL Michael Murphy, killed in Afghanistan in 2005, honored; Murphy's mother christens ship on Mother's Day
(CBS News)
It's been a week since Navy SEALs captured and killed Osama bin Laden.
Now, on this Mother's Day weekend, the heroic actions of another SEAL, this one killed-in-action in Afghanistan, have been honored by a grateful nation.
CBS News correspondent Seth Doane reports that Maureen Murphy was proud to christen a Navy Destroyer bearing her son's name.
"It is an honor and a privilege that I am to be the sponsor of the USS Michael Murphy," Maureen Murphy said during the christening.
Navy SEALs forgot to bring a tape measure
Video: The iron will of SEAL Team Six
Special section: The killing of Osama bin Laden
It was a tribute to Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, who was killed in Afghanistan in 2005.
"I would like a moment of silence for all of those men," Maureen Murphy said.
Eighteen other U.S. troops died along with Murphy back in June of 2005, including two in the Navy SEAL team he led.
His Navy SEAL team was on a secret mission until a group of passing goat-herders gave away their location. The team had decided to let the herders pass, rather than killing them.
That decision, though, revealed their location, and a Taliban video surfaced later reportedly showing the firefight that followed. As Murphy's small team came under attack from around 100 heavily-armed Taliban.
Already wounded, Murphy dashed into the open to get a satellite signal and place a phone call for help. The Chinook helicopter sent in to rescue them was hit by enemy fire and blew up, killing all 16 on board.
NATHANAEL: it was the worst day of my life - and the worst day in navy seal history," said Nathanael Roberti, part of the recovery team sent high into the mountain pass near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. "The next day we are up there recovering bodies. We fly in, fast rope in 85 feet. Bad enemy territory. The worse pass you can imagine."
The only survivor of the original SEAL team - Marcus Luttrell - told CBS News' Katie Couric he was able to escape because of Murphy.
Murphy was laid to rest a hero on a gloomy summer day. That same night his mother received an email that had been delayed.
It says, "Mom, I'm home safe and sound," and it arrived the day he was buried.
"I got that message that never came like three months before," Maureen Murphy said. "I feel like it was Mike saying, 'It's okay, mom. I'm okay.'"
On Saturday, in front of 3,000 spectators in Bath, Maine, he was honored with a $1.1 billion floating memorial.
At the ceremony, Maureen Murphy said: "I just want to say, happy birthday, baby."
It would have been Murphy's 35th birthday.
SHANE, second one in on the right side
Steroids
A Story of my Life
My first husband had me on Steroids... Deca Dura Bolin... at this time... He wanted me to be someone new... When my face started growing hair and my voice got deeper... he agreed to stopshoot me in the butt with the steroids. He bought this big ass reusable, glass needle... ugh!
Anyway... He was the boss... and unfortunately... he is the boss of everyone in his life, including our children : (
He would buy them, the “roids”. across the border in Mexico, taking me with him. He knew all the key things to look for so as not to purchase the “fake” ones. He got underground letters from group of users... He made me put them in my underpants and sneak them across the border... you know why??? “Because, he said, You-have-nothing-to-loose, and I DO”... I just did as I was told... all those years... with him.
He supplied lots of guy's in the teams, with them also. Jim was the SEAL TEAM “Master at Arms” (means police man) and he knew when the “Piss-Tests” would come. He was also the king pin for the “Roids” He knew everything about them and how to get the most out of them. He set guys up on a “Program”, that's what it's called when you take them for a series of about 6 weeks... a program.
When you are a victim of emotional, physical, spousal abuse, married to a chronic adulterer, for years and years... it's like it doesn't exist... I just lived it... everyday...
until March 15, 1993... He had me reduced to a crouching ball of fear and tears in the kitchen. We lived in Silver Strand Navy Housing. He was screaming at me.. “YOU'LL NEVER LEARN... YOU'LL NEVER LEARN” our four sons age 11, 10, 5, and 4 standing around us watching him verbally and physically abuse me... and Guess why... it was pay day and “ I had spent too much money at the Commissary”
At that moment... something clicked in my mind, Something in my psyche said – get up and run – or you will die -
And so I did.
Feb 17, 2012 entry
on March 15th, 1993 at 5:30 in the evening, I was crying as I ran for my life, from my husband at the time... and in the front yard my children were crying too... and Chase and Deano were crying out at me... "take me mommy... take me with you mommy"
I couldn't... I drove away... with a gut instinct that this was the best I could do for them... because down deep I knew, that if I were not in the picture their father would treat them better
February 20, 2012
new memories come to me... I want to write them down... but I am not in a place where I can do that... then tomorrow comes... and I can not remember them.
week 5 of a 6 week program... not something I would recommend to others...
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